Try This Instead…

Sometimes, you just want to be told why you do the things you do, and what to do instead. “Try This Instead” is self-help that doesn’t s*ck — it’s an advice column written by me, Sam Dylan Finch, a neurodivergent writer and lived experience advocate who’s passionate about sharing what I’ve learned.

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Hey Sam, I mentioned to my new therapist that I’ve been bored to the point of making myself miserable. I thought that maybe I just needed to get a hobby (I don’t do much these days besides watch TV, probably doesn’t help) but she thinks I might be clinically depressed. How do you know this difference between “normal” boredom and actual depression?

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To start off, can I say how happy I am that you’re seeing a therapist? That, in and of itself, is a big step and will go a long way towards getting to the root of your boredom.

This is a really important question, one that I wish I’d paid more attention to back in the day.

I never realized that boredom could be a sign of depression, which would’ve helped me recognize it sooner rather than later. But like you, I just figured my boredom was the result of my own inaction or lack of willpower — not a red flag that I might be struggling more than I realized.

But your therapist is right that boredom can be a warning sign for folks that deal with depression!

One way to parse out the difference is figuring out whether or not your boredom is responsive.

In other words: Are you able to participate in activities that help alleviate it? Or does it linger no matter what?

I remember boredom being a really big feature of my last major depressive episode. I desperately wanted to find something to do to make myself feel better, but I lacked the energy to get out of bed, and didn’t seem to enjoy the things that used to make me happy.

You can imagine, then, the predicament I was in: Even if I did get a hobby, I wouldn’t have had the ability to participate or enjoy it — thus the boredom and subsequent misery was almost constant.

I imagine you know this already, but depression can sap the life out of you. Depression can take the things you used to be interested in or passionate about and make them feel dull as dirt. Depression can make you forget what it ever felt like to be happy or excited, replacing it with self-loathing and emptiness.

Sound boring? It definitely can be. So it doesn’t really surprise me that many depressed people complain about being bored in the midst of an episode.

So yes, boredom can be one of those early signs that you’re dealing with something that goes a bit deeper, including depression. And it’s useful to see if your boredom seems immovable, or if a change of pace or beloved hobby can get you in motion again.

Another tricky part: boredom is not just in the domain of depression, but it can also be indicative of other types of neurodivergenCE.

Just a few examples might include burnout in autistic folks, under-stimulation for ADHDers, or even dissociation if you’ve experienced trauma (which many of us have, to be honest).

I want to caution you against trying to theorize about your boredom, though.

You could spend all day in the “why am I bored” and “do I have this disorder” Google rabbit hole, but the best way to figure out where it’s coming from is to experiment, ideally with the support of a therapist or neuro-affirming coach — and since you’ve got a new therapist, it sounds like you’re moving in the right direction!

Because here’s the thing that matters most: You described this situation as making you miserable.

Yikes. Anytime you are describing your mood as “miserable,” some alarm bells should be going off. If this has been going on for a while now, it deserves your attention.

No matter where it’s coming from, this kind of distress signals to us that we have some unmet needs. Every one of us deserves a sense of fulfillment, meaning, and variety, and without it, we can feel restless and yes, miserable.

You talked about finding a hobby, and there’s no harm in that! But remember that there are other options, too. For me, as someone with depression that eventually revealed itself to be linked to my ADHD, starting a stimulant medication like Ritalin was a life-saver.

Once I had some amount of executive function and energy back, I was then able to pursue new activities and get out more!

Sometimes we can’t put the metaphorical horse before the cart, and we need to resource ourselves a bit more before we can try the new hobby or care practice.

And that’s okay! If something feels impossible or unapproachable, that’s not a sign that you’re doing something wrong, or lacking in any way except needing more support.

Remember that this process can take some time, so be sure to be patient and compassionate with yourself. This is the kind of elephant you’ll likely have to eat one bite at a time, or so to speak (wow, full of metaphors today!).

I hope that you’ll keep going to therapy, keep an open mind, and keep advocating for your joy — these are all excellent choices that will be beneficial to you, whether you’re clinically depressed, some other flavor of neurodivergent, or just needing to slow down before getting back into the swing of things.

Rooting for you!

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